July, 1999

Childhood Dreams

This used to be my playground

Those rusty bars used to be my swings
Where I pretended to fly

That old oak used to be my climbing tree
Where I did my dreaming

This patch of grass is where I played pretend
I did some of my best acting then

That empty sandbox is where I built my fantasies
Anything became reality

This used to be my playground



My eyes are black, only black.

I don't have a pupil in my eyes.

So I can't focus.

I bit your finger before.

But please don't take it badly.

I can't see well.

Dear master,

You sometimes forget to clean my place.

You sometimes forget to give me food.

Though you are kind.

Oh! My goodness.

I succeeded in escaping from here.

At first.

I was very happy.

I was walking in the room.

My steps were so light.

I was, ' Feelin' Groovy '

Oh! I can't believe it.

You opened your eyes at midnight.

I was picked up.

The second time.

I was hiding in an invisible place.

I became hungry.

A sweet smell of raisin bread.

My nose is so delicate.

I couldn't resist my appetite.

I escaped twice.

I was caught twice.

Wow! I have a good idea.

I'll keep some food in my cheek bags.

And go out immediately.

Oh! Yeah!!

I am a hamster

I am a Jiangarian hamster

who is named " Hannosuke "..


Long Legs

Her long legs

Spoke rivers to me

Her toes

Tickled my memory

And rekindled

A fire

Burned out

In forgotten yesterdays

Nylon mesh

Fleshy sausage

Stuffed precisely

Into a feeding


But, alas


Comes creeping

An old man

In a coffee shop,

And the waitress

His unsuspecting



Findlay, Ohio

Trees collapse in the strain

of witch-hunt hours bent

over bridges.

Between your teeth, a liquid grit,

silt and dust plowed by a thousand hands already.

Tall pioneers stay a silent watch.

Massive white trunks

obtuse and slightly tamed, watch

the roar.

The roadside roar sings

of contraptions aching with aggravated

crimes committed in the streets

of Findlay.

People shrug in this town.

With every smile a five dollar bill is stolen

and your pockets are left to themselves.

You make a start.

You're broke

and foreign and trying to get tanked

in the few minutes before last call.

Soft yellow eyes, a hotel's eyes,

slowly close on the street lamp tanning

your forehead.

Amaretto and tobacco drip through a pool-hall,

the length of a cue, the tip of your tongue

and earlobes.

Will you remove your skin?

The librarians shed

under milkweed and canadian geese,

and in their own shrugging, the books convert.

If you wait any longer, you might hear a glacier,

or a rusted out Ford

struggling with the rain.

You hunch your muscles and make coy

on the bed.

You've had too many threats already.



Tainted April

I saw the wind

as its fingers passed limpidly through

her marigold mane

and tickled the willow fur of her nakedness

without laughter.

Then spring birds would scatter from our birch pavilion,

their wings mocking the rhythmic recoil of

thunder claps;

my body encroaching on unwilling innocence,

while silent screams were swallowed.

And this would be

the first of many interruptions

of a serene pool that shallowed on one end,

and let me cleanse away

the defiled blood from my fleshy dowel.

Only to paint it again and again,

against a backdrop of April nature

and a naked creature stolen from the city,

pleading and bleeding,

as I approached for another portrait

of a Spring day in the woods.


The Road Back
by Richard Stella

I stopped at the crest of a hill,

It's slope dropped before me,

The moon gave me no direction,

The stars were conspicuously silent.

None told me which way to go,

There was no guidance in the breeze,

The grass may be pointed down,

And then I knew, it did not matter.

The road back was long ago paved,

And then long ago grown over,

One can walk the weeded trail back,

Or run on and meet the dawn.


A tingle running through my vein

happiness washing away the pain

A love which I shall soon see

and a boy who has brought it to me

each touch is like something i cant bear

it makes me dream of my self standing there

holding a basket full of beautiful flowers

nothing can harm the love and the powers

i never believed until this day

a small fortune of his words that stayed

in my head forever

this is love, as we both move on together


No Second Chances

Although we truly loved him, he never knew how much

Even though we cared deeply for him, we never made it known

There were some days he needed cheering up, all we did was bring him down

Whenever he disclosed his dreams, we shattered them with our laughs

When something was on his mind, we did not bother to notice

At the time he needed a shoulder to cry on, we turned the other cheek

When he needed a friend to talk to, we were too busy to make the time

At the times he got into trouble, we judged him instead of opening our hearts

After his life took a turn for the worse, none of us gave him a word of encouragement

"We did nothing wrong," you may think, but we made the worst mistake of all

We thought we'd always hear his amusing laugh whenever we wanted

We figured we'd see his charming smile whenever we saw him around town

We took him for granted by figuring he'd always be there

I guess we did too much 'thinking' when we should have been reaching out

Now, we have no "second chances" because our friend is gone forever

That is something we "can think about" for the rest of our lives.


Vladimir Swirynsky

When the world was still flat, the horizon was the matador's cape, evasive

and mocking our ignorance as we tested the waters of immortality

Excited by their songs we shouted at the birds Sleeping with a splintered

calm, the stars like limbs outspread, surrendered their dreams

Fire caused the uprising--our first rebellion, The scent of smoke making our

hearts beat faster So we gathered wood to give the breath of fire a roaring

voice to scare away our demons--

From our warm cave we outlasted the Ice Age, We picked berries, that

sweetness staining the wicked lust of our throat Today, we are that truth,

the fruit born from the roots of flowers that we tasted so long ago--

Asleep by the fireplace, the machine of night spins like a giant flywheel

In the mills molten steel slashes like glowing sabers into the huge eye of

night In our dreams we worship the magic of fire as it burns the pages

of tomorrow Unaware that our children are dancing in its flame


In My World,

There upon the mountain above the clouds and into the sun sits a soaked horizon. Looking upon the cities and dreams of those who knew that there was some way to make them. One single star gives birth to the heavens and they play peaceful melodies that rain upon you like large waterfalls that soak you in a world of perpetual flow. In the fear of falling you find yourself following and going to the edge, dropping you find that though it hurts at first, you fly. Recklessly through the sun filled sky and into the perpetual motion of space. You see the emerald glow of the comets and they come to play, you go to the dark side of the moon and find that it has the mysteries of the blackened porous satellite. You go beyond the limits of your mind and see colors that flow from the planets like a funneled faucet of pink and orange finding its way through the black holes of space. You feel the warmth of the light in your fingers and through the waves of energy you spin into the depths of an insane spectrum, you see the face of what you are and find that it doesn't match how you feel. Colors bend to you and connect you to the blended star-like entities. they show you the mysteries and preludes you missed. They take your hand and fill your mind with love, and your soul with life. Stepping back you find you just fell down into the paradise you were looking for, they tell you it cant last, but come back soon. and you wake up in the dreams of others, somewhere between the earth and sky you find that place and hold it for as long as you can, because once you see it you can be complete.


My Knight In Shining Armor
Nicole Nunes

My Knight in Shining Armor

Is not a knight at all

And his armor's not that shiny

It's rusty, kind of dull

He's a lover, but a fighter

A stranger, but a friend

He's everything I've ever wanted

But nothing in the end

I don't know what I'm looking for

I'm not sure I ever will

I hope that he'll be sensitive

And my dreams he will fulfill

I want him to be spontaneous

And to have an open mind

I want to steal his heart away

And I hope that he'll steal mine

My knight's a contradiction

He's everything and not

He's just a dream, but for now

He's every thing I've got



I am everything evil and everything good

A spirit of kindness, waiting to greet you

A violent storm, coming to beat you

If you love me, and love me true

I'll be sure no harm comes to you

I'll love you as an angel for all eternity

But I'll rob you from all peace

If you ever cross me


Ivan V. Avetissian

I passed a non-descript darkened tavern

late one night

As I hurried down a dark stretch of interstate

Out of the corner of my distracted eye

I saw a shadow

and a small red glow

Could it have been the cherry red dot

of the days last cigarette

Savored by the last lonely patron

To be snuffed out momentarily

before he went home

to a marriage full of love

but long devoid of passion

Or could it have simply been a reflection

of my own vehicle?

Hard to say at those speeds.


The human brain

is a hell of a thing.


it stops just short

of being real smart.

The human heart,

on the other hand,

feels its way through worlds of clay

and keeps us from flying apart.

David Perkins



Ere I consign this life to fainter light

Frail gossamer white, to weak to flail,

Near the hour to take transition's flight

In destination whereto one can never fail

Nor whither ever have to travel twice

In following the spirit's erring path,

While leaving ashes here in sacrifice

Abandoning to helpless age its final wrath;

I first would fall as prey in passion's talons

Abducted to a warm and wanton nest,

To smell the breath of sweetly, sweating dragons

And steal from them youth's red and lusty crest.

I would taste anew an earthly kiss to melt in searing love,

And then expire a sated soul to soar on fire above.



Linda buys two dozen

jars for jam,

a bargain, gleaming

in the store.

Carefully, she plucks

the fruit from the bough.

Gently, she tends the fire.

As she reads her recipe,

suddenly she sees

that when twenty-four

empty vessels are filled

and nothing is burned,

nothing spilled,

there will be no place to set them,

no pantry - not even a shelf.

So Linda walks away

and plans to can another day.


thought and caught by Delshay

many times ive been judged

passed and cast off

blast and pissed off

my face on trial

full of tribulation

i wanna fly free in the sky

of a sovereign nation

one love among brethren

pride in sistren

and all of us just happy inside



There I sit;

Alone and shaking.

My hands bound behind my back

My lips sealed tightly,

With no expression on my face.

An empty room in which I sit;

Four plain, white walls

No windows, no doors

No means of escape.

My SELF is forever trapped

And thus is the disease of shyness.

-Timothy Hennessey



A wish for you:

To many times find truth,

And have it torn from beneath you.

My wish is a view of life from every angle;

For the blur and focus.

A sad and beautiful life,

Feel it?

It has the consistency of low-grade sandpaper,

It stimulates.

There are a thousand tiny peaks and valleys;

Ridges and depressions

Made precisely for your fingers

Take in every detail,

You only get one touch

There's a consummate need

To touch....feel.

It's abrasive because it should be

Let it tear off some skin



PALMS ON THE GLASS- It's raining here, I'm looking over the tops of the trees, across the valley to the river, I SEE YOUR FACE.

VOICE ON THE LINE- I have the phone next to my ear as I listen to your message, hoping to talk with you soon, I HEAR YOUR LOVE.

RAIN ON THE HOUSE- I hear the rain pounding on the roof from all directions, the wind is pressing against the house, I FEEL YOUR EMBRACE.

FACE IN THE RAIN- Looking up into the sky that isn't, just white, wet and low, the whole valley is covered, I TASTE YOUR LIPS.

CALM IN MY HEART- I know you must be thinking of me, a tender peace has come over me just now, I KNOW YOUR COMFORT.

WARMTH IN MY BODY- My thoughts stray to the times we have spent together, we laughed, we cried, we loved, my knees give up there strength, WE ARE ONE SOUL.


Amidst the countless sweet nothings, and every I love you,

I cannot even once recall saying Thank you.

Thank you for accepting me as I am, and loving me despite all I am not.

Thank you for being my life, when it was death that I sought.

Thank you for being my sunshine in my cloudy sky.

Thank you for making me laugh, and letting me cry.

Thank you for choosing this shy, quiet girl,

This dull stone in a sea of shining pearls.

When I am weak, thank you for being strong.

When my world is cruel silence, thank you for being my song.

When I am so down, I cannot even hold my own head up,

Thank you... for picking me up.

When I think of all you've done for me, what things I've done for you, there are so few,

And so I must say, Thank you.


The Place of the Future

They say the past is a familiar place

And to this many people are willing to attest,

But of the future they fear to speak,

For it is a strange and frightening place,

As no man has been there before

And maybe there, more than anywhere else,

It will be empty or full of devastation,

A worthless place of desolation,

Although to it all hopes are drained,

As all the waters of once had drained,

By God's command in the Book of Genesis,

To the one place once called "Seas",

Until the "Earth" was seen

And became the place of beginning ,

When the distance from there to us

Is the value*, definite and unique, called "Past"

And which was also called "Future" in the past.

*As stated in a rule of mathematics:

"The absolute value of a number -

is the distance of that number from the inception."


an oceanic view

the pleasure of this vision .. staggering
though present rules are limited

how seriously we would honor the possession
to be able to recognize the force of authority

the sunset embraced me with passion
during which, i felt a bit permissive

i became a fanatic and yet, insistent
that distinctive sight was pre-meditated and yet significant

the sunrise was then drawing nearer
it was a constructive but radiant presentation

the reflection of the overall ocean was truly divine
it effectively completed its preciousness

the seashore prepared declivity
a vast provision in its exclusiveness

a Masterful and yet marvelous demonstration
the complexed waters rushingly attributed to shore

i cheerfully prepared for mysteries unknown to depth
i engaged then expelled with effectiveness powerfully sustaining her life-force



This is for the spirits:

This is for the spirits

I say, this is for the spirits

Spirits ffrom lakay

This is for the spirits

Samba, this is for the spirits


This is for them

I say, this is for them

Samba, this is for them


This is for them, I say, this is for them

AYIBOBO for them...


Watch him,

As He Flies

Through the air!

With his wild imagination

That could never fail!

What is he thinking?

What will he invent?

And, is it time yet?

From every side

You look,

He is there,

Waiting just for you!


You look around

And see,

It is just his mind

Opening up


To The Stoner

All you want is weed, weed, weed, the stoners plant starting from a seed.
If your not raving about pot, then in your mind, acids' found a spot.
I wanna get high, I wanna fry, you say like it matters, we all die.
So pass the pipe and light the bong, look out brain here comes the song.
"All I want is weed, all I want to see. Weed and acid gets me plastered, so come on pass the weed."
So sing your song and fry your mind, I'll talk to you another time. When you've come to ALL you senses, when you've climbed the tall hard fences. When you have given up the weed and taken the chance for yourself to succeed.


Cover my soul like the blanket of death

I am drowned, breathe his scent

Scream his name, hear the silence

Reach for his hand, feel the cold

Tell the angels to hasten his release

Beg the Gods to speed my demise

Close my eyes, peace is hostage

Hands tear bones from the body

Pain withers the will, No tomorrow

Shake the foundations of my sleep

beg for life, breathe poison

Come memory, Soothe my soul

Life is lived by accidental breath

Stumble days upon the night

Sun rises without light

Eyes see without sight

Love is buried, grounded in stone

Life is lived by accident alone


Love is beautiful

but when there's conflict it destroys the love

people change

people come and go

but one thing will not change

the future will change

but one thing will not change

scenery changes

but one thing will not change

the past and love cannot and will not change

through all the pain and suffering

through all discretion and misunderstanding

love always goes on love cannot go into the past and the past will not change

what's done is done may it be fun or not

you alone cannot change love or the past

to love the past is true happiness

and to have loved in the past is love in the future

and love in the future is pure happiness

and to live and love everything from future to past is total happiness


"The future's slipping out of our hands,"

Say the prophets who've moved away to the hills

The past is fading out of yesterday's mind

Like a baby falling off a windowsill.

Twisted angels in the halo of a spotlight

Spread their broken wings, dark secrets revealing

Milking the milk of human kindness

The truths have taken on a new lack of meaning.

I've been looking for god, I've been looking for faith

For the hand that would wipe away these scars

But the only signs I've seen around

Are for cheap motels and topless bars.

There's no place for me in heaven

And no place for me in hell, either

Watching ghost towns move past on my Harley

Getting to be an easy rider.

The days go by but the road never stops

And someday I'll grow too tired to run

Feeling the wind as it rushes through my head

Like thoughts of fading into the sun.



He was your first invader.

As suddenly as he left, he crawled inside your skin

And worked his way from the outside to the center--

Too fast-- Rainbows of vertigo.

He halted after he had experienced each minute molecule

Of your flesh and trembling being.

The ambush was subtle waves.

The stampeding kindness of his desire crushed your willpower.

Easy to blame on trust: Could it be you?

Realize you vanished, rolled over and cried dry tears for five dead years.

How could you let this happen?

Do not let the tides pull you to oblivion: Scream silence.

Do you want this struggle? Lay claim and fight-- Sleep.

Float on the oceans of madness.

Don't wake up to see where you are it might matter.

Impatience became a clean sword to his lust.

You became his last.


Moments in Time
Rosemary Winters

Pink fingers of light

abound in the fading twilight.

Shades of lavender and mauve

make a little cove.

Welling up from the sea,

the flames of sunset beam.

Shades of blue are mixed

when all is fixed.

Fixed in a moment of time.

This unique sunset reminds

that nothing is permanent,

just moments in time.


Feels she the cold stares upon her battered face.

Feels she the lonely night engulf her,

Feels the minutes dancing and parading all around her.

Secluded in a room where all is acceptance, and all is alone.

And she's now breathing and struggling so.

Enters he upon this chilled eve

To kiss away morality and all she believes.

Begging him to leave, she

Pleads with him,

Bleeds from him...

Feels the weight of him overcome her frailty.

Cries of desperation emptied into the ignorant night.

Rape her, would he...

And he knows this isn't right.

Could create in this sweet girl

Blackest moment in her life.

He's gone now,

But she's certain

He'll return in her dreams,

Day and night.



Painful tears

Drip down my eyes

I am alone

To my surprise.

I live to die

And go to hell.

Everytime I was in love

I broke my heart when I fell.

My heart is living in a fantasy.

A fantasy I will never see.

I wish my life would heal,

But this can never be.

I cry and I cry,

"I wish I were dead!"

If I had things my way.

I would have never bled.

My emotions are frail.

I see your heart never got my mail.


There are so many things I'd like to say to you.

So many words, so many thoughts; yet I find myself

unable to speak in your presence.

My words form a silent bouquet that has grown

in the garden of my heart, and been watered by the

tears of loss. My thoughts are scattered like seeds across

the open field of my mind where only you grow.


To Those I Love

If I should ever leave you

whom I love

to go along the silent path

grieve not

But laugh and talk

of me

as if I were

beside you there

(I'd come, I'd come,

could I but

find a way!

But would not tears

and grief

be barriers?)

And when you hear a song

or see a bird I loved

please do not be sad

For I am

loving you just as I always have...


death leads to disaster

death is love

love is death

a death of a portion

inside of you

a suicide of reality

where illogic

takes hold of you hard


watching the fire

burn. keeping you warm

wondering how long 'til

it burns cold?

until the only remnants

are cold, dusty ashes

the soot coating

your soul

why put your trust

in something human

something so flawed?

why chance it?

it's all the thrill--

the chill down your

spine when your lips touch

but how long does that last?



A mother cries \Her child is gone\Taken from hate\What went wrong?
Humans have ruined this Earth\ Filled it with killing and pain\ But we are all dying inside\ Our illness, conceit and vain\
Another murder\This time a young boy\ Shot by his brother\ Thought it was just a toy\ I turn on the t.v.\ And click to channel five\ The madness doesn't stop\ this time we're bombing Shanghai\ A girl gets pregnant Her boyfriend unaware\ She gets an abortion \does anyone care? \ That we are killing our children\ before they are born\ Taking innocent lives\ But no one will morn\ We kill off our children\ Before they can breathe\ But this is America\ The land of liberty\ We kill eachother\ And start nuclear wars\ i can't stand this hate\ I can't take it anymore\ Will this hate continue\ to grow?\Or will it stop?\ Will I live to know...


I wish I were an as*hole:

Then it would be easier

For me to fill

This emptiness in my soul.

As*holes always have someone to share their stupidity with.

I wish I hadn't spent so much time learning:

Ignorance isn't bliss,

But wisdom

Is surely Hell.

The ability to express yourself to Fish is worthless.

I wish I could make it all go away:

Death isn't the solution,

But life

Has no answers.

After all, Life is for the Living.



Look at me

Reaching out for you

Waiting patiently

for you to look my way

You see me every day

and yet

you cannot see past

my face

And every day

I die

a little more.


"Thoughts of a Mad Man"

I love life. Life is to love. I can't stand the thought. Thought. My thoughts.

The thought that there may be no life. What if there is no life? What if my

life is merely my dream? What if I've lived an entire lifetime within a few

hours of a dream? Will I ever awake? If I awake, will I remember my real

life, or will I miss my dream?

I pray that I never wake up.

I love life. Life is to love. I can't stand the thought. My own thoughts.

The thought that my life may be in the dream of one person unknown. What if

my life is in the dream of one person unknown? Will they ever awake? If they

awake, then will the ones whom I love and myself be erased from existence?

I pray that he doesn't wake up.


I saw you look at me, my world started to spin,

I wanted to open my heart to you, to let your love shine in.

Yet I've been hurt before, fear took over emotion,

My heart screamed yes, but I wasn't ready for devotion.

So, I let you get away, crying as you drove,

I whispered softly to myself, at first sight I felt love.



I miss the way you use to look at me.

The way you held me tight.

When you kissed me gently,

and made love to me at night.

The way you use to talk.

Not to mention how you laughed.

The way you use to love me.

You're promises that we'd last.

I miss the hope for the future,

and the happiness from the past.

I miss the way I felt.

why did it end so fast?


She says

let's go to Village Inn and

I would say no, but

it's the only place

open at 2:30 in the morning.

I hate seeing the dusty

old men staring out at


thinking about nothing,

doing nothing, nothing, nothing.

I hate seeing middle-aged women

in too-tight jeans and dark roots of blonde hair

ask for low-fat ice cream

on their pie.

I hate it when

the waitress asks "soup or salad?"

even though you know

that when you ask

for soup she will say

"We're fresh out"

and then she'll go on

pouring her hundredth cup of coffee

and counting the minutes

until her shift is up.

But I say


we'll go to Village Inn

because it's the only place

open at 2:30 in the morning.

Lindsay Thacker, 5/17/99



(a thought and a prayer for Dad )

I was his youngest, living, since my brother passed away,
he kept my close too him and he spoiled my everyday.

My Dad he had his worries, about his pain and death,
but, I believe he found the strength, to lay his fears to rest.

He remembered "Little Grandma" and "Baby Brother", too,
he remembered my "Dear Mommy" , I believe they all helped him through.

I'll never forget my Father, till my dying day,
when I believe by the Grace of God, he'll help me on my way.


Girl Meets Boy

She Thinks that He is Very Coy

She wants Him to Herself Forever

But She knows that this could happen, Never

For Their is a Problem That Stands in her Way

He Has a Girl & She is Intended to Stay

This Girl now Knows She must move on

Even though Her Heart will be Torn

She then Remembers she got more than some

They were together for a little while

But wouldn't let it cramp her Style

This Girl is Now with a New Boy

Who Brings Her MUCH Joy!!!


I remember how it felt to be near you

To catch your smile on my face

To feel your fingers through my hair

And how your embrace left me warm and unaware

Of life's cruel atmosphere

I remember how it felt to be loved by you

The nights of running wild through the stairways and corridors

Of nameless places

Our separate faces made one in a soft kiss

Does it matter that it hurt when you left

And that time never dulled this pain in my chest

And that you kept in touch, for a little while?

Does it matter, that I have grown and changed

That my life has transformed and rearranged

And that you probably wouldn't recognize me now?

Does it matter that I would know you

simply by the warm, comfortable way I felt when your around

And that I miss you so much?



You could be that one best thing,

But i've lost you again.

Dim the lights and close the shades,

The world can't see my face.

Silence the voices in my head,

They scream again in vain.

Drowning, Fading,

Losing all that i had,

I thought I had.

Let my fears be realized,

Before my eyes

In turn.

Bite the bullet

Save the tears

For important fears,

I've learned

In turn.


Decisions, Decisions
- Shannon M. Bandru

Over and over my mind rambles,

no destination, no


Again, words are a scrambled version

of an alphabet once


With reasoning enveloped and sense

lacking I go on, "What

should I do?"

Who ever said more choices makes this

easier? I believe

choosing one

from one is like reading thoughts before

one speaks them, why bother?

I prefer

one from ten. Do not settle my mind,

for without confusion

it is lost.


A Rainy Day

As the rain came pouring down,

I sat there in the window and didn't make a sound.

I sat there thinking all day long,

About where we both went wrong.

As the wind blew i thought of her caring heart,

And why it was that we drifted so far apart.

As the rain fell I thought of the fun times that we shared,

I wish was a way to show that I'll always care.

As the lightning struck I thought about what I said,

And the thoughts that were running through my head.

As the thunder rolled through the sky I remembered when we first seen one another,

And how much time we spent together.

As the sun broke through the clouds and shined on me,

I remembered how much we made each other so happy.

I still don't know how all is going turn out,

But I know with out a doubt.

I'll find someone new,

But right now in my heart to her I can only be true.


When I die, I'll wait for you,

By those pearly gates, 'till you come through.

And if you're not there on judgment day,

I'll know you went the other way.

I'll give the angels back their wings,

And risk the loss of everything.

Just to prove my love is true,

I'll go to hell to be with you.



Sometimes, when I cry I see you

I know you more than I ever have

Like a pain that longs to die

You know what I never have

Most of the time, when i fear

I plead with myself, for an inner silence to adhere

To solemn meaningful thought

Bought by rhyme

Sold by modesty

Everything, sometimes, has to find it's own way

And sometimes, it isn't there

So here I am, dead-ending

It takes me places that I never thought I could ever go

It takes me no-where

My mind ponders

Images are fair

Or where, my spirit wanders


Where did you come from?

Where did you go?

Not that I care, I'd just like to know.

I never had pain or worthless fear,

And I never knew ecstasy, till I held you near.

I never had to steal and I never had to borrow,

I never knew anyone that brought me any sorrow.

I never had emotion like most people do, but I never had a lover quite like you.

I never was scared of night, till you left me there.

You straight out took the sun, and left the sky so bare.

I never had a friend to give love to, but I never had a friend quite like you.

Now you're gone, I try not to care,

I've shut out the pain, I've shut out despair.

Money from the divorce has made me quite rich,

It really hurt my sole when you called me a bitch,

No not that I care, no not that I should,

My future now really looks quite good.

I'll find someone else, that's what I'll do,

But I'll never find another, quite like you...

Halcyon Days.


By... Natas

Poured out of the spotlight like glue

Filled past your limit, the gimic laughs at your rubber world

Away, Away, Never to stay, the rabbit runs to suburbia

Burnt by the torn hearts, melting in a boiling pot of discomfort

Free from the totalitarian who said blood was god's sin

Away, Away, Never anything to say, the rabbit becomes a socialist

Shaken and taken by his words you are motionless

Un-invited and divided by what to serve for dinner

Nothing left but regrets

Switch with the winner you pay the losers debts

Money stolen from the played

Devils are what I want to say

More is the than the earth, given birth to a bum at a bus station

A christian prays and the liar turns gray

Away, Away, Never is Forever, the rabbit is eternity



when i look to the past for a while it's the future that changes before an awaiting and whimsical mind but there's always the time for a smile in the now and again when forever endeavors to send me sublime as a child who has wandered amiss or a kiss when it's parting the lips with a whistle of hip turns the tide then arrives all encrypted enlisted against me and flippantly scripting demises reprises denied

whenever the world's in the way of a "wish" me or "washed" me it's wonder i long for it opens my eyes to the beauty surrounding my playfully sightseeing senses the sound smells and tasting now touching the skies with surprises alive in a maze of a million amazing todays sent so slowly they daze me in wave after wave of the bluecrazy hazy and leisurely waning delayed by the waters receding to stave off the bleeding of me all alone and congealing whenever i'm stealing a glance to the easterly sea

when the world is an ocean and only a minnow at once in a moment identic'lly diff'rent indeed on my knees the infinities tease me with freedoms enslaved in enigmas displayed and explained by confusion that's fusing opposed points of view


All agitation inside is just building building to make me nervousy-cry.

Pop , Push, Grate along cement with bumps and resistance the unforseen goal!

Out of there fu*king headache, bellyache, fu*king nauseating brainache.

I only live this day, this minute, this year and YET I am still sitting.

In this wretched, smelly desk with small brains on the computer and boring into the back of my head.

The odor emanates from below and nigh and pushing me slowly onward I breathe sighs of relief and detachment.

One may ask, "Why so long? What has kept you pressed to the chair with heaving breast and heart??"

My answer can only be the obvious - I fear becoming poor and ridiculed.









Can one steal a gift
Stolen Poem

Once it has taken leave

Of that place of heart & soul?

Does it belong to anyone?

Those in desperation who reach

To grab this

>From the Hands that are our souls

Have needs and looses deep within

In sharing with us all

Is not like the air

That each of us takes and adds a bit

Yet nothing is different but that we have taken a breath

Is this versed that comes to us

Ours or essence of Him

A rhythm of soul speak

Of a place where processions don't exist

Bruce Raynor June 28/99 (



I think about you all the time

I can't get you out of my mind

I'd tell you but I'm afraid that

you won't feel the same way back

I'll keep these emotions deep inside

so as not to hurt my foolish pride

Sometimes I want to shout it out

and other times it won't come out

The way you smile, the way you talk, or the way in which you walk,

makes me want you in every way

and the feelings get stronger every day

Since I'm too shy to say

I'll just wish it every day.

And maybe soon,

our love will bloom.

But for now

I don't know how

so you will never know.


Perfection is everywhere

It has been found.

I searched the ocean,

the seas, and the ground.

I haven't quite found it,

but it is sure there.

I guess I have not

searched everywhere.

Some found it in art,

fishes and bowls.

The art was all boring

the fishes were old.

The bowls were all close,

But they weren't quite there.

I guess I still need

to search everywhere.

I think that I've found it,

just listen to this.

Her eyes are so great,

her body is bliss.

I think I'm in heaven,

or sure really close.

Or maybe I've just seen

the perfect ghost.


My friend loved you from a mile away

I took a look at you and thought you were okay

A couple of weeks later I took a shine to you

It took 14 days but my love for you still grew

But right now all I think is you and me

And if you say yes how happy I will be

Can't bare to think if you say no

So I'll keep it to myself and feel so low


someone has a little wish pretends they are being kissed someone has a little hate people cry and corpses pray the person that i love stayed closed and now is far away their name cursed to my brain the creamed ice melts today wish i had better words but my love and my talent is now hoarse










Look into the light,

I heard an angel say one night,

but I liked the dark,

I craved my hole,

desperate mind and tortured soul.

Then my heart a hand did touch,

it was God's, I knew that much;

then I shed my useless fright

and boldly stepped into the light.


(a poem of good-byes)

Like a shroud it wraps itself around you like an obsessive lover

Taking the smile from you lips

Taking the feeling from your fingers

Stealing the breath from your lungs and the memories from your heart

Chilling your blood in an instant

Never thinking before it strikes

It stands in front of you like a living nightmare evil

Like a gust of wind it moves over holes filled with the lives he's Stolen, dreams taken and souls enveloped

Be careful not to take life for granted;

Walking with thee on a summer's night

The wind slows and seems absent

I look around and without warning the stalk figure walks up to you

I try to help you but i was captured by invisible chains unable to move

As it placed a hand on your shoulder you turned your head to face me

with a look of ultimate sadness a single tear trickles down your cheek

It hit me then that you would no longer ever cry, laugh, smile, or live again

And without a word it lead you toward the fate of endlessness

With one slight movement the last smile faded from your mouth and you wiped

Away your tear which i knew you did so i wouldnt' cry

But i couldn't help it

And without a word we said our silent goodbyes and you whispered "i love you" and vanished

I fell to my knees and cried shaking my fists to the heavens

"Why so you take him, my only love, why didn't you take me instead?"

I know now that i have never felt true loneliness until now for you are gone

I will never again hear your voice, feel your touch, or see your face

God, why am i to live here in THIS world without him?

My God you have forsaken me

Damn you for taking my true happiness from me

I lock at myself in my room and fall on my bed to cry till i have no tears left

I look out the window and see two turtle doves sitting on the closest branch

I slowly walk around the house without saying a word

I go into the kitchen and get a knife

I go back into my room

I pull out everything you had given me

I hold your picture in my hand and i hug your teddy

I pray that i will die quickly so i may see you again in heaven

The knife in one hand brushing lightly across my wrist just shy of cutting it

I look outside up at the clouds and i see your face

I start to cry again and i hear

"Don't die for me but live so i can live through you"

You smile and then you fade away

I realize you had given me the greatest gift besides love cause with your death we had true life

I whispered "i will always love you" as i drop the knife

I may never understand why you wanted me to live but i do know that you did love me and that someday when that figure comes up to me that i will see you again

But goodbye for now my love

Sleep forever


I Want You

I want you night and day

to share my love with you

To show you what my love really means

and to make it last forever more

To pray for the day to come

and to make our love, last forever

I want to be with you night and day

so, to share my true love with yours alone


I only have one

Here you may keep it

I do not know how it works

Please do not break it

If you drop it

I will fall and be the one who

Suffers through it all

Please do not watch

As I knee to the pain

See the moon drawn

See the sun float away

And then the stars will die

Yet here it is anyway

No one will know why

Because there are no words to say

So I am giving you my heart


-so difficult whatever we do but in some way its right , just being together , so many talks and fights help us and that makes you different from "them" and just cause i'm not me you say doesn't mine we can't be us

-maybe its not meant to be but we are together as friends , and if i have to change for u and us i will cause that's what it means to me and i hope u too, i'm sorry for all i've done wrong cause i'm starting to realize what i need to do right , and what i've been missing

- i'm so thankful for all u do for me, i'm sorry for the past but i'm tired of talking about it, i want to start over and do it right, and i know you might not understand but its as true as me and u , i'm tired of fighting so

- and i wish i could be like i was with everyone else with u but you are so different your you and i'm me and together we are so right, i'm not thirsting for love i'm seeking for friendship

-you bring out a new me and just that no one else does but that's just a different side of me, and i thank u for that, we have so many accidents like making if more then it should have been but

- its so complicated what we have that when i think about it the less i understand, but we've got something and i think we should keep it

- so its so hard to work out and so easy to let go, but i'm not willing to lose it, lets just stay together


My sister please don't watch me cry

I hate for you to see my pain

We both know who is to blame

I pray for you

To live life well

Please don't think I left you

I love you so

I had a problem

no one else could see

I could not take the pain

that was inside me

I didn't run out

I'll be back someday

I'm so sorry

If I've hurt you in anyway


Love at Last Glance
Audrey Lanell

You're young, attractive, happy & free. Don't want him, you're too picky. He's

handsome, but, too nice to see, his real beauty. You fall in love, but not with

him, but he is there. Time passes and he's still there, you don't care, but do

you? Again, you fall in love, but not with him, but he is there. More time

passes, the phone call comes, he will wed, would rather have married you instead.

Time goes by and then you wed. You think of him now and then, the fun, you had

a lot with him. Years pass by, your life's a mess, wonder what happened to the

happiness? Discontentment fill your years, along with fears, but mostly tears.

Finally, you reach out to him. Looking here, calling there, surely he must be

somewhere. At last you find him, the news is sad, he is dead. The best

lover you never had. Love at last glance, he isn't there, and now you care.

This is a true poem. On Monday, June 21, 1999, I found out my dear friend died

on July 7, 1997. He was not married at the time and was reading Hemingingway on

a beach along the Florida coast. This is my tribute to Dennis M. Duggan. I know

in my heart, of all my loves, he loved me most.


As the Day Fades

Watching the sun as it drops to the earth

And as the moon rises showing its majestic worth

The tide returns to land with its water so blue

The night to young yet for the morning dew

A man walks by, far past his time of glory

A man walks by waiting to tell his story

He has amassed many tales through out his existence

You walk by but, he speaks them with persistence

You gaze at the man seeing a shell of what he might have been

But his eyes still full of a fire that burns from within

Every mans day, must pass and aft

Sometimes, life is nothing but an endless charade

Once too young, now too old

Like the warmth of the afternoon, swallowed by cold

Your day in the sun, far too short

your night much to long for you to hold up fort

Your resistance fades, as does the day

Dimly lit like the stars in the sky, never able to find you way

Ever thing must come to an end

Even the calm of a lake disappears with the wind

As the sun begins to rise, and the moon fades away yet again

The man's time comes to an end, but with anothers ready to begin

history passed through a man and his story

Even after his passing, he can still bask in its glory

Like the sun, no matter when it fades

It will always shine again another day


How many times I've wanted to scream

but held it in

how many times I've tried to tell

but wasn't allowed

or was I?

Maybe all this time it was me

maybe I'm the reason

maybe they would listen

but I was silent

I held on

kept my pain like a prized possession

that they gave me

I don't want it, but I can't give it to you

you don't deserve it any more then I did

so how do I release?

Do I scream?

Do I kill?

Should I run?

or should I face it

with the little strength I have left

I've been denied

or denied myself

that chance

the little bit of normalcy I could have had

it's too late

to forget

and I won't forgive

so maybe I'll just write it down

and throw it away

or keep it, just in case

to remind myself

to be real


Seasons change...

Time goes by...

And ,all the while,

I still try,

To be the one

Your thinking of...

All I need...

Is all your love...



The Sea

I step into the soft tide My soul in great despair

As the sea slowly swallows me I could not have your love

The sand sifts over my dreams So only the sea will have mine

Rain breaks all that I believe And the waves will carry me

Thunder rolls over my spirit With the water's eternal shine.

The water washes away my mind

And the storm rumbles on

My eyes ever so blind

The waves crash against my body

My love for you drifts away

I slowly sink deeper, deeper

For you, my life will pay

I try to scream for help

Yet no one hears my cries

The sea consumes everything

My love, my life, my lies

The water invades my body

As I take a gasp of air

The blackness surrounds me



we've been through a lot,

so we gave it one more shot,

we didn't give it time,

instead just said goodbye,

all people did was lie,

and you believed it to be true,

and after that i lost you.

one day i got an e-mail,

my friends said i should bail,

but i gave in.

we got back together,

we thought it would be better,

but it blew up in are faces,

we invaded are spaces,

so i said goodbye,

trying not to cry,

not knowing later would be my time to die.


Why is life so hard? Can't things just go right?

I thought it was all okay, and then you tell me this tonight

I know you have these feelings, I know I do too

But in this situation there's nothing we can do

You two are together and the girl is my best friend

So before it even starts, our romance must come to an end

I wish that things were different, so we could be together

But I can't lose a friendship, so we must be apart forever

Maybe we should forget it, put our feelings to rest

I know it will be hard but we know it's for the best

You and I can always be friends, though our feelings we must hide

Just always know they are there somewhere deep inside


Always and Forever

I guess what I wanted was,

to hear you say you loved me,

as much as I love you.

I guess what I wanted was,

to know we would be together,

always and forever.

I guess what I wanted was,

to feel you near me always.

I guess what I wanted was

you to feel what I feel for you.

Then I would be sure,

we would be together,


All That's in My Head

In the world of black and white I am the Ironic grey

floating through life in a clouded haze

searching for something, with no purpose, no meaning

the one last blast that will silence me

Walking through oblivion destination unknown

each day defeats me as my insecurities are exposed

I smoke with the skeleton in my closet, disaproval bleeds from her mouth

I fall into her words, then your voice comes to me and once again I can drown her out

In this encounter more meaningless verses come from me, with more love than you realize

Love is a harmful emotion which has blinded these reptilian eyes

I can't find a point, I have lost track of thought

I smile as I think of all the beautiful things I have forgot

it doesn't matter, just a string of empty words

I am turning off now, so I can ignore the parts that hurt


By Kirsten Teasdale


It permeates my every cell.


It sinks through to my bones.

I cry not over,

the spilled milk,

the flat tire,

the stained shirt,

the broken friendships.

Every tear I shed is yours.

Everything that sets me off is dulled

next to what sadness I feel

over you.

Should I trip and fall,

And cut my hand,

The tears I cry would be for you.

All around me I feel you.


by lisa f.

You couldn't tell by looking at me that I am dying inside.

You couldn't tell by talking to me that I have nothing to say.

You couldn't tell by holding me that I am numb.

There is no love and there is no hate, just a feeling of emptiness.

My life has shattered and I cannot pick up the pieces.

There is no tomorrow and there no today.

I live life because I have to, like cleaning my room or washing the dishes.

Not like all the others who live life because they want to and find joy out of doing so.

I don't know what this means or why I wrote this. Take it as it is or how you want to.

But remember, this may be my way of reaching out.




























te quiero

I love you

so many ways to say

How I feel about you

every single day

when i look into your eyes,

i see only the bluest skies.

when i see your smile,

i could stay for the longest while,

the longest day.

we can't talk.

not because we fight or scream,

not because the words don't come out.

you speak spanish

i speak english

our love is a secret.

no one else can know.

when you say te quiero

when i say I LOVE YOU!!!!!


Falling fast

And falling slow,

I no longer

Have control.

Unfamiliar ground

Has me afraid,

But not enough

To quench this flame.

A flame that burns higher

And higher still,

As I follow

My heart's will.


Forget-me-nots bloom in blue

Shiver underneath my tears

You, I can't forget, my dear

The passion and the pain

A sleepy moon looks through the night

and sees her child weep by her bed

The memories run through her head

The passion and the pain

For she is losing her one love

and to her heart the stars will sing

But I would not change a thing

For passion or for pain


Walls gates and boundaries

None of which can rule me

Eyes that see

Ears that hear

All meant to control me

None of which can rule me

Government, laws and taxes

All meant to control me

None of which can rule me

Seeing what is around me

All that is

All that should be

None of which can rule me

Why do you want what others have

That which others want to control you

That is what rules you...



He places the overflowing platter before me,

and I have a difficult time deciding which of his lies I will devour first

it is a feast

and I am overwhelmed

I gorge myself

taking more

and MORE!!

but when i look up

into his eyes

I see that he does not love me anymore

and so

I stick my finger down my throat

I am desperate to purge myself of him

and his lies!


Illegal Questions

Iambic pentameter be damned

The only thing I follow is the blood of ink on my hand

Because maybe I can escape being wretchedly disturbed

By letting words flow over my mind's curb

Unfettered by what I should have thought

Chained to a rusting bed by what I was taught

I lay on that bed, with springs eating my back

And I vomit up memories, choked hate, disparate crap

Then I sift through the half-digested parts

Hoping to find answers in the technocolored barf

But there are none to see

As I squat by the stinking pile of regurgitated me

I know where I am supposed to go-To the rock to the pit

But a question: "Do you love me?" Is not an answer is it?


The Mistake


Deep dark red

Soothes her soul

Her troubles seep out

With the red river

Flowing from her wrist

She heaves a contented sigh

Through the tears running down her cheeks

She stares a the deep slit she has made

The guilt begins to form

"Why?!" She screams at herself

There has to be another way to relieve her pain

She buries her face in her hands

Feels warm liquid on her lips

Blood, still pouring

It will not stop

It is gushing, forming a red ocean on the floor

She is scared

Everything is getting blurry

Her head is spinning

Something has gone terribly wrong

"No," she whispers

She isn't ready to leave

She has lost the fight

She takes her final breath

Life was so hard for her

Now, it is over, but it was a tragic mistake


The Tiny Sun Is Setting,

Into The Silver Sky

And Off To Sleep, I Be Getting

A Dream In [The] Sand, Where I Do Lie

I Hear The Sound,

Of Distant Surf,

Cashing On The Rocky Mound,

As I Lay On This Sandy Turf

A Gull Cries Loud

As Clouds Pass By

A Tiny Crab Struts So Proud

Near Where This Observer Lies

The Night Has Fallen,

The Moon Shines Bright,

[And] I Can Hear Dreams A-Calling

Wishing Me To Bed This Night


To my feet I rise

for beyond the clouded blue ski

to a paradise up above

i sore to the top like a dove

My father before I see

as I am down on bended knee

He forgave my sins and washed me clean

and now purity is all you can see

Wings are given to me

to be God's angel you see...

I'll travel near and far

to try and heal everyone's scar


Still Waters

These still waters that I've come to know

These still waters that calm my soul

These comforting rivets that wash my shame

Oh! How they lovingly call out my name.

My Heavenly Father, in tender mercy

Reached out his hand , and he forgave me

Cleansed me white in these still waters

Forgave not one, but all his daughters

These still waters that I lie beside

In God's word, may my soul abide

Washed from sin I will proclaim

The Son of God, Christ Jesus reigns.


Less conspicuous than a roach atop a sewage dump

and okay with the fact that my mind is superficial slum

being a scholar would still not be enough

i'd still be incompetent as an athletic achieving buff

preaching the word demands coffee breaks

and culinary art ends up in deficit

fashionable clothes demand to be washed

and my humorous breakthrough deemed mental faux paux

computer knowings lead to hermitity

and marijuana to ultimate social illiteracy

doing things the right way

unappealing, bland

doing things the wrong way

leaves you eternally damned

perhaps understanding will by my delivery at the turn of the year

making it all the more acceptable to inhale another beer


The more you learn, the worse it gets...

More people lose control,

Then go throw violent fits.

They go and kill their teachers, classmates, and even friends..

Even if they change..

It's all same in the end.



I shed tears of Disgrace
At the Requiem of my Faith;

The symphony of Death
is delivered in Grace
At the Requiem of my Faith.

More poems left over from June - Encore ! Encore!

Page Copyright © AHA Books 1999.
Poems Copyright © Designated Authors 1999.

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